From the NASCAR Pits

Sunday’s race here is known as the Tums Fast Relief 500, and since NASCAR fans are famous for indigestion, they’re all going to be grand marshals.
Presumably, they will all belch as one: Gentlemen, start your engines.
Tums partnerships bring certain perks. In the Martinsville Speedway media center, coinciding with the world-famous Serving of the Hot Dogs, a barrel of Tums was nearby, sort of like an emergency medical crew. Imagine how this bold new policy can reinvigorate our national health-care debate.
Truly the Martinsville hot dogs made this deal possible. Even Darren Singer, the vice president of marketing, spoke briefly about how perfect a market this is for indigestion relief. Every track has gut-wrenching activities – superhuman consumption of beer, barbecue and miscellaneous other substances, long hours, little sleep, loud noise – taking place for days. According to a state trooper, fans have been lined up for more than a week in anticipation of getting heartburn (and good camping sites) here.
But at the midst of what makes Martinsville indigestion’s perfect storm are those hot dogs, beloved for their rosy and otherworldly pink hue (which, quite unintentionally, raises breast-cancer awareness), their chopped onions and slaw, their mustard and sodium.
Frankly, not any antacid can neutralize Martinsville hot dogs.
The plan is for 65,000 surly indigestion sufferers to regain their health by power-chomping Tums just in time to wave the 65,000 little green flags distributed to them along with discount coupons diabolically attached to the poles.
Poor devils. After two days of nonstop hot dogs, they’ll be addicted to Tums like bees to honey. As Merle Travis once wrote about coal mining, “Like a fiend with his dope, a drunkard his wine, a man will find lust for the lure of the mine.”

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